so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
