found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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