why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
there was a trapeze. enough said
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
