The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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