yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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