I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Girls should come with a carfax report
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
