i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
