went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
