Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
