Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
