Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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