i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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