I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
