I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
