Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
