We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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