That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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