you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
