This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
