My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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