She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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