i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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