please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I understand Curling. That high.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
