I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
