She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
