apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
