TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
