i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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