I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
