then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
