i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
