is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
