Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Randomize
