I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
