Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
FUCK WHALES
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