I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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