Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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