the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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