That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
