Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
