I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
