Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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