I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i think im in europe. pls send help
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
