I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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