the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
