i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
