He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
