you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
