Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
