Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
