the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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