hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
