New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
