If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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