I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
